Hardest Part Of Wedding Planning? Common Stress Triggers

Wedding planning comes packed with a range of emotions. Anticipate both highs and lows—it’s simply part of the journey. To ensure you’re fully prepared for this remarkable adventure, we’ve turned to our real brides. They’ve disclosed the toughest parts of wedding planning.

In this blog post, we’re listing common stress triggers shared by real brides along with effective strategies to avoid these nightmares. We hope this will equip you to make swift, well-informed decisions for your big day.

1. Wrestling with the Wedding Budget

“We’re 23 days out (yikes!) and have been planning since July 2021. Sticking to our original budget has been a journey, everything is so freaking costly.” – Gian

“Sticker shock. I thought we were going to have a $5000 wedding, and 11.5 months out, we’ve already paid $5000 in deposits.”

“Hidden costs of everything piling up in the end. About 5K over budget in the end. Not including honeymoon, but we got gifted money to reimburse us for that.” – Livi

We all dream of that fairytale wedding, but real life comes with something called a budget. Figuring out how to stretch your savings to cover every detail can feel like an uphill battle.

• Budget Padding: You might start off thinking a small, simple wedding can fit within a modest budget – let’s say $10,000. But as the planning progresses, costs can pile up, pushing your budget to something more like $13,000. Always add a little padding to your initial budget, about 20-30%.
• Identify your wedding must-haves early on, and eliminate any extras that don’t align with your personal preferences or values. Extras that aren’t as important can be added later if the budget allows. When I was planning my wedding, I cut out the cakes, reception decor, DJs, and videographers.
• Cost Research: Before setting a budget, do some research to get an idea of costs for various wedding elements in your area. This can help set realistic expectations and avoid surprises.
• Track Expenses: Keep a close eye on your spending. Use a spreadsheet or wedding budgeting tool to track every expense, no matter how small, to keep your budget in check.

2. Dealing With Other People’s Opinion

“On the flip side, you will be told constantly by friends, family, and society that your preferences and choices aren’t good enough and that you should like something different. I had a family friend insist that it was anti-feminist of me to put FH’s name first on the invite before mine. Like it matters?! Or signifies something?! ????????? To one person, my dress is too frumpy, to another, my venue too tacky. Whatever whatever whatever. You have to be strong willed, otherwise this will truly bother you.” – Lem

Everyone’s got an opinion, and they’re not afraid to voice it. Feeling caught in the middle? That’s totally normal. This part of planning often ruffles more feathers than expected.

One effective way to keep wedding planning stress-free is by taking control and planning the day yourselves. Rather than seeking input from both sets of parents or viewing the wedding as a merging of two families, prioritize your own vision and preferences. Remember, it’s your special day, and you have the final say.

• Minimal Input: Instead of seeking extensive input or opinions from family and friends, limit outside involvement. By keeping decision-making within your partnership, you’ll have more freedom to plan the day according to your own desires.
• Share Updates: While planning, feel free to share occasional updates with your parents or loved ones, but do so without soliciting feedback or opinions. This way, they can stay informed and feel included without exerting influence over your decisions.
• Independent Vendor Selection: When it comes to choosing vendors, rely on your own judgment and preferences. Avoid sharing your budget or involving your parents in these decisions to maintain control over the process.

3. The Vendor Selection Sprint

Picking your perfect team of vendors is no walk in the park. It’s more like a marathon filled with research, meetings, negotiations, and decision-making.

• Start Early: Begin your vendor search as soon as possible. This gives you ample time to compare options and reduces the chance of your top choices being booked. For referrals, I use friends or Facebook groups. For tips, I use Google search, Pinterest, and also Facebook groups.
• Do Your Homework: Research each potential vendor thoroughly. Look at reviews, check out their portfolios, and consider their experience and specialties.
• Meet in Person: If possible, arrange for a face-to-face meeting or video call before making a final decision. This allows you to gauge their professionalism and see if their personality aligns with yours.
• Understand the Contract: Ensure you thoroughly understand the terms of any agreement before signing. If something isn’t clear, don’t hesitate to ask questions.
• Follow Your Instincts: Trust your gut feeling. If a vendor doesn’t feel right to you, it’s okay to explore other options.
• Have a Plan B: Sometimes, things don’t work out as planned. It’s a good idea to have a backup vendor in mind, just in case.

4. Uninvited People

“People inviting themselves or inviting other people that aren’t invited.”

Ah, the classic issue of guest list management. Here are some tips to handle situations when people invite themselves or others who aren’t on the list:

• Be Firm and Direct: Politely, but firmly, let the person know that due to space, budget constraints, or your desire for an intimate gathering, you are unable to accommodate extra guests.
• Utilize Invitations: Clearly indicate on the invitation who is invited. For example, if children or plus-ones are not included, make this explicit.
• Blame the Venue: If it feels too awkward, it’s okay to say that the venue has strict capacity limits, and you’re already at the maximum.
• Consider a B-List: If your budget allows, you might have a ‘B-List’ of guests who can be invited if others can’t make it. This way, self-invited guests could potentially be included without you having to turn them away outright.

Remember, it’s your special day. Don’t be afraid to uphold your boundaries to ensure your wedding is exactly as you envision it.

5. Wedding Planning Overwhelm

“Why is wedding planning so stressful?! Me and my fiance have been engaged for almost a year, and in that time, anytime i start to plan, find a dress, decorations, food list, guest list, actually set a date, i get so stressed out by it and give up on it for weeks. We aren’t even having a big wedding, a micro wedding with both our parents, our close friends and thats it! Ive enlisted the help of my best friend but i just flat out get anxiety from it! Dont get me wrong im very excited to be marrying my fiance, he’s a fantastic person, both to our dogs and my daughter, i guess i just need advice on how to not spaz and get defeated everytime we sit down to get things somewhat planned about it.” – Harlin

• Engage a Planner Early: Don’t hesitate to hire a wedding planner early on to help clarify your vision and suggest venues.
• Leverage Spreadsheets: Use a wedding planning spreadsheet to organize your ideas, budget, and vendor information. This can serve as your centralized hub to catalog your ideas, monitor your budget, track vendor contracts, and manage your guest list. It’s a practical tool that can bring structure to the planning chaos, giving you a clear overview of your wedding plans at any given moment.
• Consider One-Time Consulting: If a full-time planner isn’t for you, consider a one-time consultation with a wedding expert to help set your planning in motion.
• Use Online Resources: Websites and apps offer numerous wedding planning tools and checklists that can guide you through the process.
• Ask for Help: Reach out to married friends or family members for advice or recommendations based on their own experiences.

6. Child-Free Wedding Issue

“The guest list. We’re both in firm agreement that NO KIDS will be in attendance, which we think makes sense (the reception is at a freakin’ brewery!), but people keep getting shitty about it. Can’t you make an exception for me? Finding a babysitter is hard, my daughter is only two, you won’t even know she’s there, blah blah blah. We just keep reiterating no, sorry, that won’t be possible, you’ve got 10 months to find a sitter, would love to see you but understand if you can’t come due to little Janie. No one seems to be getting it.” – Ostenia

• Clear Invitations: Make sure your invitations are addressed specifically to the invited guests. If the kids’ names aren’t on it, it should be understood that they’re not invited.
• Directly State It: Politely include a note on your invitation or wedding website indicating that the event is adults-only. Something like, “We hope you understand our decision to make the event adults-only” is respectful yet clear.
• Handle Exceptions Diplomatically: There might be exceptions, like the kids in your immediate family. If guests ask why their kids weren’t invited while others were, be honest and say you had to limit it to immediate family due to [insert your reason here].
• Offer Solutions: If possible, recommend a local babysitting service for out-of-town guests who may be bringing their kids along on the trip.

Reference Links:

1. https://www.weddingwire.ca/wedding-ideas/the-5-most-difficult-things-about-wedding-planning–c697
2. https://allseated.com/blog/hardest-parts-of-wedding-planning-what-you-didnt-see-coming/
3. https://www.weddingideasmag.com/the-worst-parts-of-wedding-planning-real-brides-reveal-all/
4. https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/comments/4vyoe2/whats_been_the_most_stressful_part_of_wedding/
5. https://blog.wedsites.com/how-to-have-a-child-free-wedding-without-being-selfish/