What Should You Say When Your MIL Asks What Your Parents Are Paying for the Wedding?

Weddings bring families together — but they also come with a ton of behind-the-scenes conversations, especially around money. One awkward situation many couples face? A future mother-in-law asking what the bride’s family is contributing. If you’re stuck on how to handle this gracefully (and without starting drama), you’re not alone.

Here’s how to approach this tricky situation with clarity, tact, and boundaries.

When the question catches you off guard
It’s one thing to have budget talks with your own family. It’s another when your fiancé’s mom is suddenly curious about what your mom is covering. It can feel invasive — especially when you’re still trying to figure out the budget breakdown yourselves.

There’s also a lot of emotional weight behind wedding contributions. Some parents give what they can. Others want to go all out. Some don’t contribute financially at all but still offer a ton of time and effort. Whatever the case, it’s personal.

Why you don’t owe an explanation
Let’s get this straight: you don’t owe anyone a financial breakdown of your parents’ contribution — not even your future in-laws.

Money talk can easily stir up comparisons, judgments, or unrealistic expectations. It can make your MIL feel pressured to match or outdo your parents, or it can open the door to her scrutinizing how every dollar is spent.

Keeping each family’s gift or contribution private is actually one of the best ways to avoid tension down the road.

How to respond — kindly but clearly
If you’re not sure how to word it, try something like:

“We’re so grateful for the help we’re getting from both sides, but my parents would prefer to keep their support private. We’re just trying to focus on planning within what’s available and making it special for everyone.”

This keeps the tone respectful and positive without offering up specifics. You’re not shutting her down — you’re setting a clear, calm boundary.

You can also shift the conversation toward her own involvement:

“We’re incredibly thankful for any support you’re comfortable giving, and there’s no pressure to match or compare with anyone else. Everyone’s generosity means a lot.”

This takes the focus off your parents and brings it back to what she feels good about contributing.

When it makes sense to involve your partner
If you’re not comfortable handling the question on your own, this is a great time to lean on your fiancé. It’s their parent — and sometimes the message lands better coming from them.

Even a simple “Let me check in and get back to you” gives you breathing room and a chance to come up with a united response.

Keeping the peace while protecting your plans
At the end of the day, your wedding is about celebrating your relationship — not comparing family contributions. Setting early boundaries around money talk helps everyone stay in their lane and keeps the focus where it belongs.

Be polite, be firm, and remember: you’re not being secretive — you’re being intentional.

And that’s more than okay.

More…

• https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/comments/1lurb28/my_mil_wants_to_know_what_my_mom_is_paying_for/
• https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-way-to-respond-when-your-parents-ask-you-to-pay-for-your-own-wedding
• https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/how-to-ask-in-laws-if-theyre-contributing/bf0f480aeb25eb94.html